I just got done perusing through this thread...how horrible for you, and especially your sweetie Heather to have to deal with this!
The only experience I have had with a family member that remotely compares to this is from about seven years ago. My mother had a tooth infection, and hating dentists as she did, decided just to deal with the pain and not clue people in about her condition. Strange? Yes. But my mother is a unique person...
Well, my mom paid for her obstinance, the infection didn't go away, it went "septic" which means (as I was soon to learn) that the infection penetrated her bloodstream, through the root of her infected tooth in this instance. I also learned that is very bad, to say the least. My dad just happened to notice that my mom stopped breathing while they were watching TV and my mom had seemingly dozed off. He took her to the hospital thank God, and O2 deprivation from that "downtime" left my Mom in a coma for eleven days.
Seeing her in the hospital sucked. She was on a ventilator, and after she woke up, for another week and a half or so no one was "home." Metaphorically you could say the lights were on, TV, dishwasher running...but no one home so to speak. Just a blank stare into nothingness...we or the doctors didn't know how much of mom would "come back" after this. It really is a lottery I learned with recovery from injuries or damage to the brain. Every case is unique, and strange in its own way.
She did come back mostly, but now she's little bit slower, a little bit more "off," I don't know how to describe it. And now she is on a O2 bottle most of the time. But I am glad she is alive, she is my mother, she has been a awesome mom, and I love her dearly (sniff, sniff...
). I would much rather have her around being a little "off" than not at all! I am very lucky to not be telling this story with a much darker end. But from that experience, I think I can empthasize with your feelings about what your dealing with Brian256, but not your burden.
My dad can take care of my mom. He is a great companion for her, and he dearly loves her. As much as I hate to admit, it kinda lets me off the hook to go do my own thing, such as dwell on something that in comparison is so trivial, like how to shave 3C off my processor's temperature.
You don't have that option...three kids to feed and a fourth one thats newborn, which really means three MORE kids as far as labor to raise, a job, those Devil Spawned medical bills...and this site!? I don't know how you do it man! PROPS!