so i decided that i couldn't screw it up more than that sorry looking sidepanel and gave the wetsanding another go. took some 600 grit and did some very mild wet sanding. after the sanding it still had some staining but the oily rubbing compound was gone. after some cleanup i did a very thick layer of clearcoat in the hopes that that would make it 'shine' again.
this pic shows an almost dry layer of clearcoat, and as you can see it looks alot better than before the clearcoat
pics don't show it all , there still seem to be some scratchmarks under the clearcoat (and some dust + orange-peel, but wetsanding takes care of that). i hope they disappear after the wetsanding evens the panel out again. if so, it will be one perfect, ass whooping metallic paintjob.