Stones ahoy!

[Brians256]

I'm happy to say that I've delivered my first kidney stone. Wow! What an experience. It was a healthy stone, measuring just over 2mm in diameter and appears to be mainly calcium, although tests are being made as I type.

However, I have some advice for those who wish to have their own happy stones.

1) Do NOT drive yourself to the emergency room or other medical facility. I did and am glad that the roads were mostly rural for the particular delivery location. Driving while you attempt to deliver the technicolor yawn into a bucket instead of your lap is a difficult maneuver. Swerving usually happens, and then you get puke on your legs anyway.

2) Try to pick a time between 8am and 4pm to deliver your stone. I did and am happy to have avoided the ER expenses. I was wisked into a room at my family doctor's clinic and given pain medication within 5 minutes. Oh what a relief! This was my first experience with injected opiates and I'm ever so happy with whoever discovered this wonderful substance.

3) Do not turn down the pain medication. This is related to the first bit of advice. Since I drove myself (and my wife can no longer drive), I was wondering how I was going to get myself home. I actually asked the doctor if I could drive myself home after a bit and was wondering if I really needed the pain medication. Stupid! Call a friend to get you home and accept the happy drugs. I did and was much relieved. Writhing in pain is not the best posture for driving.

4) Don't be afraid to ask for more drugs. I waited for 30 minutes to get the confirming CAT scan and could have used a touch more. At least get the pain below the "crawling on the floor" level. It helps when the medical technician asks you to stay still while I scan your abdomen. I managed OK, but more drugs would have made it easier.

5) Get your pain medications on the way back home while you have a ride. OK, this one is a no-brainer right? Um, nope. I managed to get home and I forgot to get my perscription. So, now, I have to wait until the current dosage wears off to drive. Oh, wait, that means the pain comes back. BAD! Now, I'm driving under the influence of pain instead of hydrocodone just to get to the pharmacy. I'm still not convinced which one is actually worse for your ability to be safe on the road.

6) Don't wait too long to take the medication. Now, this one too is obvious, right? Nooo..... I'm a manly man. I can take it. I don't need medication. Wrong! When the pain gets high enough, you get nauseous, making it harder to take the medication you need. Plus, remember the stone? Of course you do. No drinking means you don't flush the stone out. No medication means limited drinking, which means you are in pain longer. If you have to (as I did) use pepto bismol to quiet your stomach long enough to take the pills, DO IT.

7) Drink almost anything you can. I started out thinking that I'd just do the water route and almost drank nothing. Water made the nausea worse for me, which meant that I wasn't drinking. After a quick use of the grey cells still functioning (remember the pain meds?) I switched to chocolate milk (which I normally don't like) and had the stone flushed in 2 hours. Don't ask me why chocolate milk was so attractive; I don't know. Consider this like the abberant appetites of expectant mothers and just go with the flow, erm literally.

8) Be proud of your newly birthed stone. Show it off to family, friends and neighbors! They will be impressed by how much you whined when they see this speck of brown stone. When they look at mothers who deliver healthy 9 pound babies with less fuss, just tell them that your ureter was delivering something at more than 200% of its design capacity. Ask them if a mother would be as good natured if they had to deliver an 18 pound baby.

[dsptech]

Maybe you should have waited till you were dilated a couple of centimeters first before attempting delivery.
This way you wouldn't have to be such a "Drama Queen" about the whole thing.

Ha ha, congratulations!
Did you name it yet?
I suspect I will be delivering some time in the unavoidable future.
Your advice will come in handy.
I'm printing it out now.

[jaydee]

Something to look forward to in life....

[Brians256]

Well, I did dramatize my account a bit. There's no need to let the truth get in the way of a good story.

In case anyone cares, you don't usually writhe in pain on the floor, but you do have a hard time not shifting around while trying to find a position that doesn't hurt. On the scale of one to ten, I give it a seven. 10 is pass out, 9 is uncontrolled screaming, and 8 is uncontrollable whimpering. I had some points where I did make unintentional noises, but was able to be polite and still if I had to be. Others may have different definitions for the levels of pain, which is why I hate it when they ask me that question. If you've seen what the E.R. has to treat, you most likely won't ever answer anything above 7 on the 1...10 pain scale.

ER tech: "Limbs still attached and no arteries severed? He can wait."

Oh, and that ER tech is right. Modern people are wimps when it comes to pain.