Yes, there is software out there that does this... and I think it's even free....
http://www.jarcom.com/inmotion/ -- an older site about a guy who wanted to put an MP3 player in his car (before you could go to BestBye or Sircuit Sity and buy one pre-built). He has links to software to drive various LCD's off of the parallel port of your computer.
Of course, I don't know if the links still work or not.
Also, you might want to search for other car MP3 setups, and see if you can find any plugins for IR control. I'm sure there are some out there.
daBum